MY STORY
My complex relationship with food began early. As a teenager, I went on my first diet. Growing up, food variety was limited, treats were restricted, and finishing your plate was expected. At the same time, being slim was the social norm.
For years, I cycled through dieting and exercise—sometimes gaining 3kg, sometimes 5kg, sometimes 10kg, then got to 20kg. To the outside world, small weight fluctuations might seem insignificant, but when food takes up 80% of your thoughts, it controls your life. You love food, you hate food, you feel guilty about it. You wish you could focus your energy elsewhere, but instead, everything revolves around food. I understand that struggling with extra 3kg all your life can be as bad or worse as struggling with a lot more. I have been in both camps, I know how it feels.
At times, I structured my life to avoid temptation. I’d leave early for work so I could hit the gym in the evening, ensuring I had little time at home near the fridge. Other times, circumstances made control impossible. As a single mother at home with my child, my weight crept up. Sleepless nights, emotional exhaustion, and stress took over. I felt guilty, unattractive, and stuck.
I was always active—at my peak, I practically lived at the gym, training six days a week for hours. But I learned firsthand what so many people misunderstand: Exercise alone won’t make you lose weight and for some people gym is counterproductive. I saw people making the same mistake—hoping the gym would fix their weight struggles. It won’t.
At 30, while studying psychology, I used Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and lost 13kg in three months. It worked, and I felt like I had finally cracked the code. But life changed, and the same approach stopped working. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make it work. Now I know that the same method does not seem to work, no matter what it was. Have you experienced that?
Later on in life I tried everything—structured exercise and diet plans, Keto for nearly a year, dietitians, therapists, doctors. Nothing lasted or created a measurable result. All those calorie counting and food diaries - what a nightmare!
Through my background in teaching, psychology, and counselling, I eventually had a realisation: understanding your relationship with food doesn’t automatically lead to weight loss. Therapy can help you feel less guilty, but it won’t necessarily change your habits. Strict diet plans without taking into consideration social events, holidays and binge episodes which are a part of the changing process create more misery and guilty feelings.
And changing habits without help and accountability is very difficult. I feel your pain as I lived thought it for 40 years, so that you do not need to.
